In 2015 I had a health scare. I was unable to open up my lungs enough to get enough air. I didn’t know if it was a heart attack or some kind of panic reaction. I had been dealing with family court battles with my ex-wife. The stress was constant and lasted for years, and I am especially sensitive to negative emotion. So I wasn’t very much fun to be around at that time. But my fight with that parallel legal system would soon come to an end.

I rode to the hospital and was treated like an anxiety case. Typical stuff. But I was able to make the ride using meditative techniques I had hardly ever used before but was familiar with. After that, I began studying meditation and soon began meditating every night before bed. At first, it was alarmingly strange. The idea of being still inwardly and outwardly was totally new.

Before long, I began seeing lights behind my eyes during sessions. They would flow, pulse, and rotate in front of my field of vision. After a few weeks, I began to realize that I could feel these ribbons and bursts of light. Soon I started doing my sessions with the intention of seeing and feeling them. Within the first year, I was having what could be described as adventures in etheric space. I observed beings that moved independently of my gaze and my expectations.

All of it appeared to be rendered on a kind of screen, in low resolution. It was a bit like animations on an old green screen computer, but smoother and even more low resolution, but three dimensional – if you can imagine that. This went on for some time. Today, it’s par for the course for me.

In the first or second year, I was approached by a being who I now refer to as The Sister. She gave me a simple but fascinating lesson that I have yet to apply satisfactorily. Typically, she would appear at around the 15-minute mark during my meditation sessions, I’m guessing. If I didn’t meditate long enough I would not see her. It was as if it took time for her to get the signal and make the trip. These are probably just limitations my thinking imposed on the process. But it was clear that I had to demonstrate my willingness to learn by being in a meditative state for a long enough period of time.

Over the course of several sessions, The Sister would appear and sit in front of me. She was rendered in the same green mist as everything else I would see projected on the insides of my eyelids. As well as I could tell she looked like an ordinary young woman, in shape at least. She actually seemed like one of the hippy college girls I used to party with years before on the opposite side of the country. It was a bit like she was letting me get used to her, the way a person might slowly introduce themselves to a wild animal.

Eventually, I became used to her and wasn’t frightened. It could be, though I don’t rightly remember, that at some point I had wished for her to teach me something. In her own time, she did just that.

One night, she sat before me in a meditative posture as she always did. But I was aware that I had asked her to teach me, and she did. She changed shape, flew off in the distance, and came at me like a shot, growing bigger and bigger until she was large enough to swallow me, which she effectively did. I was enveloped in a sort of magnetic aura. At least that’s how it felt, and I was startled, but I resisted fear. That’s a good thing because benevolent beings will leave you alone if you become too terrified and the lesson will end. She stayed with me.

The first thing she showed me was a large boiling pot that I held in my lap. I was told that the contents of the pot was my fear, hate, anxiety, etc. When these feelings boil up in me, I was to visualize this pot, allow my feelings to boil, and to lift the lid allowing the negative emotion to escape just like steam. In this way, I was told to let my negative emotions take their course, to boil, but to release them naturally. I was not to resist or retain those feelings, just let them run their course and let them go.

I ended my meditation, thankful for the guidance. But the lesson was far from over.

I didn’t want to be a pest and ask questions needlessly but I wanted to know who she was. I went outside and wondered what her name might be. Was it Mary, Shechinah, or some other female spirit name I’d heard of? I thought aloud, “What do I call you?” When I happened on the word “Sister” I was struck with the same magnetic resonance I felt when she rushed at me in my vision. It felt like electricity and gravity at the same time but it was not shocking or unpleasant in any way. It was like the feeling of meaning. I took it to mean that she wanted me to call her Sister. So I do.

Naturally, I was stunned and amazed. I had been touched and guided by a spirit. There was no doubt in my mind. For the record, I was not drinking or using any drugs. I had used LSD and psilocybin mushrooms years before and the feeling was totally different. But still, my lesson was not over.

I was grateful for the contact, especially for the useful information and for the thoughtful way she took her time in approaching me. There was never any feeling that I should be worshipful, avert my eyes, or be ashamed in her presence. There was only my natural reverence and astonishment. I felt gratitude and wonderment and went to bed, glowing with those emotions.

Then, as I lay on my back, I felt the same full-body magnetic touch as before. At once I felt as if I could not move, yet I somehow knew I could if I wanted to. It was an experience of sleep paralysis with a tap-out option. I chose not to move because I knew the moment I did the contact would be over. This feeling went on for some time. I was not afraid. My chest was not compressed. I realized this was an extension of the lesson concerning the boiling pot of negative emotion. The lesson was that the paralysis, like my ongoing fear and anxiety, is an illusion, that I chose it, and that I could dispel it at any time.

That was the first of several mystical experiences I have had since beginning my meditation practice. I have not sought the sister since then, but I am beginning to think I could use her wisdom again. Again, I am curious about her. I wonder if she is my higher self, a goddess, a guardian angel, a spirit guide? I really don’t know. But I am grateful for her attention, and I hope she will visit me again soon.

In the final analysis, I consider her a friend. I think that’s definition enough and am sure she would be satisfied with it.

Recommended listening: Gogol Bordello: My Compajera